AMBIVALENCE

That’s how I’m feeling today. A wise man once told me that I should cease operating in this mode; that life is for the living and our emotions are roller coasters that don’t do much to help us if anything. Well, that said, I shall write on exactly that: feelings

Now I am a Christian. This is the core of my being. And as a Christian I cannot live by how I feel. The bible tells me that it is in Him that I move, breathe and have my very being. The same bible also tells me that it is no longer I that lives but Christ that lives in me, yes the life I now live in the flesh I live through faith in Christ who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Let’s take a look at that for a brief moment. I always wondered, if it is indeed true that it is now Christ that lives in me, then why do I ‘do the things that I do not want to do’? Why do I sing? Recently I was studying this…see I had sinned and I kept beating myself up about it when I decided to seek God about my sin and the situation.

I love my relationship with the maker of the universe. He is indeed the friend that sticks closer than a brother (proverbs 18:24). Anyway, I set out to ask God some questions in light of what I had done. I asked, “ why do I sin if in fact your word says that it is no longer I that lives but Christ that lives in me?” if you have any experience with the Holy Spirit then you should know that he is the best teacher ever. He took me on a ‘tour’ to answer my question. If asked I’d say he is the best admonisher too.

First of all let’s take that verse apart Galatians2:20 says (kjv) “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” I have been crucified with Christ. I here being the old self, the sinful self. But this does not mean that I will not be confronted with sin or temptations for that matter. I have been crucified with Christ. This means the old nature is DEAD, yes dead. That isn’t a negotiable matter it has already happened.

So, I am officially dead. Then who lives, my ghost? Lol, no. Christ lives in me. Growing up I used to ask myself who the Holy Spirit was. Honestly it was more like what it was. I’d hear the Sunday school teachers talk about this Spirit and we would be taught that once a person gets born again He/she would receive the Holy Spirit and I always wondered what that meant. Once during a mid-week service Sunday school ended early and instead of playing with the other kids I went to the grown up church to listen in on the sermon. I couldn’t understand much of what the pastor was saying but I remember him clearly making an altar call for people who wanted to receive Christ into their hearts.

Being the child that I was I wondered how Christ could fit into my heart. I remember that I also grasped a few things about prayer. That night I had a truckload of questions for my mother on prayer and salvation. Childlike faith I tell you. I miss being a kid when I think about faith. Francesca Batistelli sings

“To believe you I have to come as a child...” this is a fact. Child like faith is awesome. It believes without questioning. You’re probably wondering why I am now addressing child like faith.

The next part of the verse says “and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the son of God…” some versions say by faith in Christ. Whichever version the point to note is the life we now live, this ‘Christian’ life is lived by faith. Earlier on I talked about the Holy Spirit and how he lives in us. Oh yes, he is a person. It’s hard to understand and a little bit more complicated for me to explain how the Holy Spirit is a person. If you look at the Godhead it is triune: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. So the Holy Spirit is indeed a person; one of the persons of the trinity.

From science and general knowledge people have characters, personalities that make them who they are. People are also unique. The same applies to the Holy Spirit. I read a book by Debi Moore titled ‘preparing to be his help meet’ and in it she relates men to the three persons of God. There are priestly men, kingly men and prophet men. She likens the Holy Spirit to the prophetic kind of man describing him as assertive, a go getter, on the move, sporadic. You should read the book for more. From this analogy I find it easy f I should say to relate to the Holy Spirit but more to that the analogy prompted me to ask questions.

From an early age I have been inquisitive especially concerning the things of God and so from an early age I learnt that if I want answers to spiritual questions the best person to ask is God himself. This has worked out well for me over the years. God answers prayers and even silly questions. When the bible says in Romans that we have received the spirit of son ship by which we cry Abba Father it means just that. I go to God as a typical child would and enjoy sweet discussions. I call them classes. Like when we were doing selfishness 101 now that was an eye opener. He is such a patient teacher too ask the Israelites they’ll affirm that.

Before I get too carried away back to the Holy Spirit. So the life we now live in the flesh, as in now, we live by faith in the Son of God. How do we acquire faith? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. I understand this verse in this way: this life I now live I do so by trusting God. I do so because I believe faith and trust go hand in hand. We cannot have faith in Christ if we do not trust Him. We cannot trust Christ and not have faith in him. Therefore to live this life I have to have faith in Christ; to trust him. Now you ask “why?” and “how does having faith in Christ enable me to live this life; this hard knocked life?”

And this is where I introduce to you the Holy Spirit. Every believer receives the gift of the Holy Spirit upon salvation or at least should. So he is resident in us. To live a life of faith in him involves a lot of surrender; total surrender. This means surrendering to his leadership. Paul admonishes us to be led of the Spirit he also says something interesting. Romans 8:14 says that for as many as are led by the Spirit of God those are the sons of God. Being led is a daily occurrence.

When I began I said that as Christians we ought not to live our lives by how we feel. We should live our lives by the leading of His spirit. That’s today’s lesson. Total surrender to His Spirit. In addition to this I recommend a book: absolute surrender by Andrew Murray.