EMOTIONS

Ever wondered why God created emotions? Ever wondered why we have them? Ever wondered what they're for or what their importance is? Well I have. I've noticed that I think a lot about these questions whenever I experience an "uncomfortable" emotion. I put uncomfortable in quotes for a reason. I'll explain further along in this read.
You see as a christian I have believed, for the longest time, that it's "ungodly" to feel and even express some emotions. For example: anger. I believed it was ungodly for a christian to get angry. It was worse still if one expressed this anger. So for many years I covered it up with all sorts of things.  Pride, false joy, indifference, wit, sarcasm you name it. I thought that if I showed someone my angry side, if I dared to show them that they evoked this emotion called anger in me, then I was ungodly and weak. Same with pain, hurt and fear.
But I've learnt that God didn't create us and give us emotions to suppress them. No, God created us to experience emotions. Not only the good ones like joy, happiness, peace, love but also the not so good ones like fear, anger, sadness, disappointment. Now let us look at the scriptures and see what God has to say about this.
Joshua 1:8-9 tells me not to fear. Now you're probably thinking, "Doesn't this contradict what you've just said?". No. The bible tells us not to fear, yes. What's the explanation of "to fear?" think about it. No English jargons, just lay man's terms. When we fear we start by experiencing an emotion. Now God cannot possibly tell us not to experience an emotion because even He experiences emotions and He made us like Him in image and likeness.  We experience an emotion called fear. Inside we recognize it because we've felt it before. It was passed down to us from Adam and Eve. It makes us scared mostly. But at this split second in time we have the privilege to exercise our will:- to choose to be afraid or to choose to trust. This trust could be in ourselves where we choose to trust our own control and lordship over our emotions(pride) or to choose to trust God and yield Lordship to Him because He's got this! Over fear. When the bible says "do not fear" it means don't yield to fear. Feel the fear but make a choice, by an act of your will, not to give in to fear. Don't depend on yourself to do this, trust God who works in us to do and to will Philippians 2:13. The strength to not fear comes from the One who gives the command.
Recently someone made me angry. Ooooh was I mad! And christian me decided to give her a chunk of my mind (that was evidently not a piece). Boy did I let her have it! As I was verbally expressing my anger I hurt her feelings. I also realised something. First that I had yielded to my anger and let it control me. Ephesians 4:2 tells us to forebear one another with meekness(humility) and longsuffering (patience). Now, I will not repeat what I said but if asked it was anything but humble and patient or kind. There was no love in my speech or anything to indicate that I had esteemed my colleague as greater than myself. If anything my actions and words were downright proud, judgemental, probably even rude and demeaning. I wanted to put her in her place and I did it!
I love the Holy Spirit. Even while i was talking He was trying to refrain me silently (He is the still, small voice that Elijah heard on the mountain) but I wouldn't listen. If this was a cartoon it's like a gave Him a blow that sent him off the throne of my heart so I could rule. And just like that He went silent and let me make a fool of myself. He is such a gentleman I tell you.
After I was all yelled out I took a walk to calm myself. See, I have never shouted at anyone at work before. Siblings, yes, a close friend, for sure but never a colleague. I needed to think. I had shocked even myself.
So I began to ask God about what I'd done. I wanted to understand what was going on within me. Was it a temper issue? Was it pride? Because I was feeling some form of guilt, a weird kind that I had never felt before. At least that's what I thought it was. In addition to this I was also not feeling remorseful for getting angry with her. I was however remorseful about getting angry at her -there's a difference.
The Holy Spirit began to talk to me. He told me that I had been suppressing my anger. This lady would make me angry and I'd suppress the feeling. I had pushed that feeling down so many times that this was the last tick that made the bomb to explode. And blow did it!
He told me what I said that was wrong and why it was wrong. He showed me my heart (He judges the attitudes and the motives of the heart). That I was not telling her I was angry as an expression of a valid emotion, I was trying to put her in her place. Then He asked me, "Susan, why do you think that she deserves to be put in her place? Where is this place in respect to you? Are you obeying me by doing this?"
I failed to esteem her above myself and that was a pride issue not an anger issue. He then continued, "Susan you have every right to get angry. She disrespected you and failed to submit to authority but she isn't mine. I love her nonetheless but she isn't mine, you are and as a good Father I must correct you. There's a way to let people know that they have made you angry. And feeling that anger is the first step in dealing with it. But there is a right way and a wrong way to express anger and how you did it was wrong. Be angry and sin not."
I learnt that day that some emotions make us uncomfortable because we have believed a lie from the enemy. We have believed that Christians shouldn't feel certain emotions. That it is ungodly to do so. Lies, lies, lies. God created us as emotional beings in His likeness because He is emotional. I don't mean He's some wimp no, I mean that God has emotions. Yes. I challenge you to read your bible this week and underline where the Godhead expresses emotion. Any verse or sentence or phrase. Study how Christ dealt with his emotions and emulate Him. I'm not saying you go kicking tables in temples or anything, though there is a place and reason for that, but I'm saying study Christ; His person and character and emulate Him. Learn from His word why He made emotions, why it is important to feel them and express them and ask His Holy Spirit to help you heal in your emotions and feel them and express them in a godly manner. Will you allow Him to teach you?

THEY CALL HER SHE

they say she's been through so much

they say no one else would endure such hurt

they call her lively, bubbly even a charm

they say she couldn't  do anyone harm

they say she's weird even complicated

they tell her she is quite educated

they say that one day she’ll make it big

they tell her that she has no needs

they say she hurts them with her words

that when she speaks milk turns to curd

they want her to change her ways

they say it would be good to ape their days

they think they understand her they know her so well

but she thinks that they just know her and they can’t tell

they think they have her all figured out

but she thinks they know nothing of what she’s about

you see they know the ‘her’ they want to see

but the real her is hidden deep within

but they don’t want to take the time to dig

via conversations and communication kits

they want her body they desire her kiss

they want to drink from her wonderful lips

she wants to be heard and listened to

to be respected and to be understood

they want to play house without the ring

they seem to not care about that commitment ‘thing’

they say she lives in this utopic world

that her ‘Christianity’ is just absurd

she says she’s as honest as they come

she says she never means to do people harm

she says she’s always aiming to build

she says its called ‘constructive criticism’

she says her faith is what makes her strong

she says she’s not perfect, very far from

she says His grace is what makes her her

she says that people need to stop looking from afar

she says if you could look past her smile

you would see who she is inside

that if you would stop being so selfish

you’d get to know her without the ‘strings’

that you would come to see the beauty inside

that others ignorantly perceive as pride

then you would come to appreciate

even those things she cares not to enumerate

she says that if you would only take the time

you’d see that this girl is just sublime

and like any other doesn’t come short of faults

that you would love her coz she’s all sorts

you’d see that she’s not perfect, very far from

but that she’s willing to learn, change and transform

you’d see how hard she tries to be nice

you’d realize that there is so much more to find

you’d see how far she’s come from  and how much she’s changed

you’d notice that she’s making an effort not to remain the same

you’d see how hard she’s working out her salvation

and how much she doesn’t want to end up in eternal damnation

you’d understand why she loves the Father so

or how much of Him she really knows

you’ll see how important her faith is

and how her relationship with Him gives her great bliss

you’d want to get to know her for her

and not for her curves, her lips or her hair

you’d want to uphold her in chastity

and not devour her or propagate her nudity

you’d want to wash her with the water of the word

to be her true priest not someone absurd

you know what I mean him who’s neither here nor there

that kind John wrote about who’d be spewed in the air

you’d want to hold those long intellectual discussions

with her of course the kind that take hours

you’d not grow weary of hearing her speak

you’d not get scared of correcting her speech

you’d want to build her up and her you

you’d want to be stuck together like glue

you’d want the altar and nothing more

before her body you can devour

you’d want what she wants no, she’d want you

to become one from the created two

to share a vision, a passion and a will

she’d want to become your very help meet.

But instead of all this you want to remain the same

To go with the many he said she saids

So to know her you’ll never get a chance

Nor will u ever experience this romance

The cure?  You might want to ask

Is to seek the Father, the one who made the cast

To know Him first in order to know her

And maybe get the ability to understand.

LOVE

I know that most people are expecting this to be one of those gooey, mushy kind of posts but if you know anything about me you know that I'm not that kind of a girl (most of the time)....hehe

This has been a month of learning what it means to love. Not to love people or things or circumstances and situations but to just love. The bible says that God is love. I often ponder on that and over the years I have come to the conclusion that who else would best describe the word in persona and His very existence? He shows it best, he knows it best, because he is it.

As usual I'm going to quote scripture and diverge and probably say a myriad of words but hang in there and stay focussed I do have a point. Corinthians 13 says that love is patient, kind, long suffering....etc. I read it often and wonder "...mmmmhhh...this is so not me! And can never be!"....but, wait a minute.......

I've been spending a great deal of time with different kinds of people. I love people. I find them so interesting and I marvel at how different we all are. Yes, this information has a reason to be in this post. I recently spent time with someone who I think is selfish. I’m not being judgemental or anything...just hear me out. When I got home I thought to myself "wah, how can someone be so selfish?" then the Holy Spirit told me "you think you're not?!" I could almost hear him laughing....hehe....going back over the events of the time spent with this person I saw the me I used to be and still struggle with at times....selfish.

This is the part I open up to you and tell you of the girl I used to be. I’d only socialize with people for what I could gain. It never occurred to me that these people could be looking for real friendships in me. I wanted to know if they could be my friend and no other way around. In relationships, I’d never put in my end...as in I’d always be on the receiving side and never the giving one...the other party always felt short changed. Truth be told I still do this even if I say it’s a defence mechanism. I believe in the 'don’t ask don't tell' philosophy of the American army but without the gayness attached to it.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. These are the specific verses of Corinthians that I want us to look at today. 

Love is patient. When you think about patience what comes to mind? I think waiting...more like the long wait (I think that's the title to some set book or something, hehe) but in as much as patience has a lot to do with waiting it also has something to do with faith. We wait for what we believe in. Something we have faith in will happen or change. I don’t see how we can be patient if we do not have faith and trust coz then again the two also go hand in hand. The book of psalms says that blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord. Countless of verses tell us to hope in him, trust him, put our trust in him and not in man for He never disappoints. But the verses that jaz me are: wait upon the Lord and be still and know that I am God. Kwanza that one, be still…, what! Tis easier said than done I tell you!

So, love is patient. The bible doesn’t say with who or in what situation. It just says that love is patient. I like to excuse myself and say “the bible says love is patient not me!” then go ahead and do whatever I’m impatiently working at, hehe….but on a serious note love is patient. Meaning God is patient. Ask the Israelites they’ll attest to that for sure! And if God is indeed patient then we ought to be too. Consider the story of the king who forgave his servant of a debt he could not pay. The servant was so elated only to go out and find someone who was indebted to him and he could not forgive him. The story ends with this servant being jailed by the king for not showing mercy on his fellow servant. How can our God be so patient and we fail to? There’s got to be something we’re missing.  If truly He lives in us and it is He who lives and not us (Gal 2:20) then we ought to be patient people. But are we?

Love is kind. Now this word is an interesting word. When Jesus was told that he was a kind man he replied to them that none but the Father is kind. So what does kindness mean? David uses the word repeatedly in the book of Psalms. I wonder if he really understood it. The word of God also says that none is kind but the Father, that is, God the Father. What is to be kind?

The Cambridge dictionary describes this word as to be generous, helpful and to think about other people’s feelings. Now, how often are you generous, helpful and how often do you think about other people’s feelings? Generous I must say I am and often too, helpful not much, thinking about other people’s feeling…well….it depends….hehe. Love is kind. Love is all these things all the time in all situations and circumstances. This is deep! I think, if I evaluate myself honesty, I am not a kind person. If this is the definition I really am not kind. And neither are you! When you say that you love someone do u think about their feelings? Are you generous towards them? Are you helpful? Do you go out of your way to help? See I hate it when people say those three little (but oh so big) words “I love you.” I hate it because I believe they are just misusing the word and they do not know what it really means. Are you kind?

So go through the whole of that scripture and ask yourself if you are any of those things then you will understand what it means to love. I am still learning how to love and what it means to love. It is a lifelong process I tell you. But may God guide and teach you. May His Holy Spirit change you from who you are to a loveable person.

PURPOSE

I have asked myself many a time what this word means, what my purpose is and how to discover it. At one point I thought that in order to discover my purpose all I needed to do was pray like really hard and boom! God would just tell me or show me. But God, as I came to find out, is not so obvious. Otherwise, if he were, life would be too easy and faith obsolete.

A few months ago a colleague of mind sat me down to explain to me that she was leaving and I was expected to carry her mantle at work (spiritually speaking). At first I didn't understand what she was talking about so, as usual, I got to asking her a myriad of questions. What am I expected to do? What do you mean by mantle? What does God expect of me in all this? What is my purpose here? Why am I here? Being the wise woman that she is she answered with this profound statement “You are like a Nehemiah of this age “

I love scripture. It’s profound and simple at the same time. It is such an oxymoron. I’ll digress a little and explain that. An oxymoron is a combination of two words that have opposite meanings. For example, almost. All means everything; every single thing. Most means not all. Almost is an oxymoron. Now, back to my line of thought.

Nehemiah. Who was Nehemiah in the bible? What did he do? I remember asking a friend of mine (a more schooled and familiar with the word person) who Nehemiah was. From Sunday school songs (let us sing the Minor Prophets…) I remember that Nehemiah was a book in the old testament classified under historical books. Nehemiah was an administrator the way I see it. He was a cup bearer in the King’s palace. Nehemiah heard that the walls of Jerusalem had fallen and requested the then king to return to Jerusalem in order to rebuild the wall. This was Nehemiah; an administrator, a supporter of the vision. The vision? You might ask is the rebuilding of the Jerusalem wall. The vision began with Haggai I think. Correct me if I am wrong please.

So, if this is who Nehemiah was then what does this mean for me at work? And in life in general? I am already an administrator by the very description of my job. But still, what does this all mean? What vision am I protecting? What work am I seeing through? When I try to look at it practically I see an organization that’s growing but I ask God what is the vision?

I am a vision protector and a builder. Even though most of the time I lack confidence in myself, I know I have it in me. My big question is what is the vision? You cannot help to grow something if you cannot see it clearly… can you? A good friend of mine once told me that’s it’s not good to want to understand everything. That some things are best when not fully understood. I agree with his statement but I wonder, how can I run with a vision that I do not understand? Remember Habakkuk in the bible? He was shown a vision by God. Then God tells him to write it down in order to make it plain that he may give it to he who shall run with it.

Vision. Is this purpose? Habakkuk had seen a vision of the Chaldeans taking siege over Jerusalem. He was baffled by this vision because the things that he saw were of violent scenes and wickedness. He could not understand how a loving God like Yahweh could allow such a vast nation to continue in its inequity. Even though he understood that the reason why these Chaldeans would conquer Jerusalem and take the Israelites captives he couldn't understand the prolonged captivity that the Israelites were about to enter. So because of this, Habakkuk decides to wait on God to answer him and God does answer. God tells him to write the vision down. My bible says ‘write the vision and make it plain on tablets that he may run who reads it....’

God was telling Habakkuk to write down everything that he had seen. I’m guessing that this was for storage sake. Not for God but for man. O that man would remember and testify to it when it actually takes place. It’s like the phrase ‘for the record…’ the next part gets interesting God says ‘for the vision is yet for an appointed time but at the end it will speak and it will not lie. Though it tarries wait for it because it will surely come. It will not tarry.’

I have really digressed haven’t I? Well it helps me understand things better when I give them a wider scope. So what is my purpose in life? I came to find out this past weekend that I am a teacher. Well it was affirmed that that is my gifting and calling. To teach the youth. Anybody over 24 all the way to 35. Wow! This is huge to me!! Scary too! But exciting. Though I am not sure how this will be applicable to me at work, I am trusting that God will direct me and show me.

AMBIVALENCE

That’s how I’m feeling today. A wise man once told me that I should cease operating in this mode; that life is for the living and our emotions are roller coasters that don’t do much to help us if anything. Well, that said, I shall write on exactly that: feelings

Now I am a Christian. This is the core of my being. And as a Christian I cannot live by how I feel. The bible tells me that it is in Him that I move, breathe and have my very being. The same bible also tells me that it is no longer I that lives but Christ that lives in me, yes the life I now live in the flesh I live through faith in Christ who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Let’s take a look at that for a brief moment. I always wondered, if it is indeed true that it is now Christ that lives in me, then why do I ‘do the things that I do not want to do’? Why do I sing? Recently I was studying this…see I had sinned and I kept beating myself up about it when I decided to seek God about my sin and the situation.

I love my relationship with the maker of the universe. He is indeed the friend that sticks closer than a brother (proverbs 18:24). Anyway, I set out to ask God some questions in light of what I had done. I asked, “ why do I sin if in fact your word says that it is no longer I that lives but Christ that lives in me?” if you have any experience with the Holy Spirit then you should know that he is the best teacher ever. He took me on a ‘tour’ to answer my question. If asked I’d say he is the best admonisher too.

First of all let’s take that verse apart Galatians2:20 says (kjv) “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” I have been crucified with Christ. I here being the old self, the sinful self. But this does not mean that I will not be confronted with sin or temptations for that matter. I have been crucified with Christ. This means the old nature is DEAD, yes dead. That isn’t a negotiable matter it has already happened.

So, I am officially dead. Then who lives, my ghost? Lol, no. Christ lives in me. Growing up I used to ask myself who the Holy Spirit was. Honestly it was more like what it was. I’d hear the Sunday school teachers talk about this Spirit and we would be taught that once a person gets born again He/she would receive the Holy Spirit and I always wondered what that meant. Once during a mid-week service Sunday school ended early and instead of playing with the other kids I went to the grown up church to listen in on the sermon. I couldn’t understand much of what the pastor was saying but I remember him clearly making an altar call for people who wanted to receive Christ into their hearts.

Being the child that I was I wondered how Christ could fit into my heart. I remember that I also grasped a few things about prayer. That night I had a truckload of questions for my mother on prayer and salvation. Childlike faith I tell you. I miss being a kid when I think about faith. Francesca Batistelli sings

“To believe you I have to come as a child...” this is a fact. Child like faith is awesome. It believes without questioning. You’re probably wondering why I am now addressing child like faith.

The next part of the verse says “and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the son of God…” some versions say by faith in Christ. Whichever version the point to note is the life we now live, this ‘Christian’ life is lived by faith. Earlier on I talked about the Holy Spirit and how he lives in us. Oh yes, he is a person. It’s hard to understand and a little bit more complicated for me to explain how the Holy Spirit is a person. If you look at the Godhead it is triune: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. So the Holy Spirit is indeed a person; one of the persons of the trinity.

From science and general knowledge people have characters, personalities that make them who they are. People are also unique. The same applies to the Holy Spirit. I read a book by Debi Moore titled ‘preparing to be his help meet’ and in it she relates men to the three persons of God. There are priestly men, kingly men and prophet men. She likens the Holy Spirit to the prophetic kind of man describing him as assertive, a go getter, on the move, sporadic. You should read the book for more. From this analogy I find it easy f I should say to relate to the Holy Spirit but more to that the analogy prompted me to ask questions.

From an early age I have been inquisitive especially concerning the things of God and so from an early age I learnt that if I want answers to spiritual questions the best person to ask is God himself. This has worked out well for me over the years. God answers prayers and even silly questions. When the bible says in Romans that we have received the spirit of son ship by which we cry Abba Father it means just that. I go to God as a typical child would and enjoy sweet discussions. I call them classes. Like when we were doing selfishness 101 now that was an eye opener. He is such a patient teacher too ask the Israelites they’ll affirm that.

Before I get too carried away back to the Holy Spirit. So the life we now live in the flesh, as in now, we live by faith in the Son of God. How do we acquire faith? Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. I understand this verse in this way: this life I now live I do so by trusting God. I do so because I believe faith and trust go hand in hand. We cannot have faith in Christ if we do not trust Him. We cannot trust Christ and not have faith in him. Therefore to live this life I have to have faith in Christ; to trust him. Now you ask “why?” and “how does having faith in Christ enable me to live this life; this hard knocked life?”

And this is where I introduce to you the Holy Spirit. Every believer receives the gift of the Holy Spirit upon salvation or at least should. So he is resident in us. To live a life of faith in him involves a lot of surrender; total surrender. This means surrendering to his leadership. Paul admonishes us to be led of the Spirit he also says something interesting. Romans 8:14 says that for as many as are led by the Spirit of God those are the sons of God. Being led is a daily occurrence.

When I began I said that as Christians we ought not to live our lives by how we feel. We should live our lives by the leading of His spirit. That’s today’s lesson. Total surrender to His Spirit. In addition to this I recommend a book: absolute surrender by Andrew Murray.

IT ALL STARTS SOMEWHERE DOESN'T IT?

once upon a time i wanted to start one of these....heck, I wanted to write a book on my life and the experiences and the title of my book was to be ''there is light at the end of the tunnel''. well how I came up with that title was very dependent on the things that were going on in my life at the time.

Years came and went and like most other things in my life I threw that dream in my dustbin of postponement and began to 'focus' on more recent dreams; those I could accomplish in the so called 'present'. Well, even though 2012 is almost over, this year I have decided to empty my 'postponement' dustbin and act on all the 'trash' that I threw in there. so, as you should already be deducing from this here goes item number one.......hehe its not a book but technology has made this so much easier......and yes, this counts towards my goal of achieving my dream because technology was not as developed as it is now back when I had this dream so.......this is it!